Week 4 : Malay wedding

As I mentioned earlier, I was off to a wedding of two old friends of mine. Back when I was 13-15 years old, I studied in a boarding school. This girl was one of my closest friend back then, and the boy was this kid I used to argue with a lot in school. Back when we were 13, he was known as a motor mouth. Imagine my surprise when years later I bumped into her in a gym and she told me they were dating. An even bigger surprise came 4 years later when I received an invite on Facebook to their wedding (thanks Facebook!). So, 12 years since I last saw the groom, I headed down to their wedding.

Its actually not the easiest thing anymore to find a richly traditional Malay wedding. For this weekend I went over to the brides side which was done in a Kampung (village) on the outskirts of KL. I decided to bring my friend with me since this is one of those rare events for an outsider to witness if they dont know the right people or are in the right place at the right time.

Malay weddings typically provide a few hours window for you to arrive. Its usually quite informal with people walking in and out whenever they please. Attire is usually formal for the ladies (in traditional gear) whereas the men dress quite casually in shirts and pants. Jeans and khakis are fine, collared polo shirts are fine, though if you want to dress up a bit you can wear the traditional Malay attire or a Batik shirt.

When we arrived, I dropped by to say hi to my friend, afterwhich while she was getting ready, you get ushered out to eat. Food here is typically served buffet style. I love Malay wedding food for the nasi minyak, the rendang, the ayam.. MMMmMmMm... Little girls and boys might also come by and give you a hard boiled egg. Wrapped in little flowers or placed in a small box. Its for you to bring home or to eat on the spot, usually as a symbol of hopes for fertility. If there are no silverware around, just look out for the silver teapot on each table. You will be using this to wash your hands before you eat. Remember when eating with your hand you ONLY eat with your right one. Never the left, and never to use both hands. As for seating, its a free for all, so just say hi to the other people at the table and ask if you can sit with them.


(Wash your hands using one of these)


(Grab a seat wherever your would like)

After that, you wait for the groom's arrival. You will deff know when he is coming as he will be accompanied by Kompang players - a troupe of men playing hand drums. Beside him will be his best man, whose job is to fan him and slowly bring him to the bride, and beside him will be kids holding up the bunga manga. He will have a trail of people behind him carrying trays of items. These are known as the 'hantaran', or essentially presents for the wife. In typical fashion, the husband may offer 7 trays while the wife returns with 9, or the husband may give 5 trays and in return the wife gives 7. As for what are the presents? Its up to the discretion of the couple, though typically this includes prayer mats and items, shoes, handbag (for the ladies) and cookies/ sweets.


(The groom arrives with his entourage. Flanking him are boys carrying the bunga manga. His best man stands to his right)


(Behind him is a troupe of kompang players)

(His entourage comes bearing gifts)

The wife then comes out of the house to meet the husband whilst her face is covered by a fan until they are in front of each other. She will then salam (a Malay handshake where you hold on to both hands) her husbands hands and kiss them.

They then head over to a stage (pelamin) for the bersanding. Malay couples never speak and just sit quietly on the stage. The elder relatives are then invited up to bless the couple. They will put a bit of rice and shredded pandan leaves and flowers in each hand and sprinkle some rose water over the couple to bless them. As they leave the stage, they will receive an egg as a gift from the family.

(Elders blessing the couple)

Depending on how lucky you are, you may also get to witness a dance or martial arts performance. Usually the dance that is done is known as the Zapin, a traditional Malay dance and danced in front of the bride and groom. Sometimes a Silat performance is also done for the couple. Silat or also known as the Malay martial arts is done to symbolize the man's protection over the woman. As for what happens throughout this whole time?


(The girls enter for the Zapin dance)


(The boys accompany the girls)


(Old style Malay hair pins and selendang)

People would just mingle around, and chit chat. Like I said, traditional Malay weddings are pretty informal - nothing tends to start on time, its going to be super hot, people are walking everywhere and can be a bit chaotic. But because of that, its also a whole lot of fun.

So, if you ever get the opportunity to go to a Malay wedding... in the village... in traditional style, Go! Its slowly changing as people start moving to halls and to hotels for their weddings, but its these traditions that I would love to keep alive

(The beautiful couple. Congrats!)